I felt like such a horrible mom...
I used to feel like a horrible mom because I didn’t want to spend all day playing with my kids.
Most days. I still do.
Most days I have to remember who I am. Who they are. And what we’re here to do.
Then I have days like today.
Watching my nanny lead my babies out for an adventure.
So much gratitude. So much peace. So much pressure removed.
I used to feel like I horrible mom because I didn’t want to spend all day playing with my kids.
Because I love my work. My freedom. My space to create.
Because I have a big job to do.
I felt guilty for not spending time with them.
For not wanting to clean my house.
For not wanting to be a “normal mom”.
I didn’t fit it.
And it was tearing me apart.
Sometimes that guilt still hits so hard...deep inside my soul.
And then I have days like this.
Days where I remember.
The work I do in this world. Matters.
The money I make. Matters.
The impact. Matters.
The desires I have are on purpose.
And it doesn’t make me a bad mom.
I love my kids so deeply. I would do anything to protect and provide for them.
I teach them how to live. How to be. How to love.
And I don’t have to spend every day playing at the park to do that.
I get to provide a position for someone who loves to play with them at the park. Loves to homeschool them. Loves to care for our home.
They are happy. She is happy. Most days...when I get out of my own damn way.
I. Am. Happy.
We get to have it all.
Every dream buried deep inside.
We get to trust our desires.
We get to love our lives.
And it gets to be so fcking easy.
When we let it.
I see you. I believe in you. And I love you so damn much.